How to Deal with Sibling Fighting: Teaching Conflict Regulation

Fights and rivalry among siblings are common things, but handling them the right way can be confusing, even unnerving. Knowing how to deal with sibling fighting will help you in maintaining harmony and family dynamics. You can also teach them important skills related to conflict management, which they would carry to adulthood.

Common Reasons behind Sibling Fights

Why do siblings fight? There are many reasons for that, but age often becomes one of the most defining fighters. For example, primary school-age children usually fight over perceived unfairness. Meanwhile, teenagers often fight with their siblings over independence or perceived violated boundaries.

Children may also start a fight when they feel stressed, suffocated, or grieving. Small children usually have fewer vocabulary, making it difficult for them to communicate and end up fighting with siblings.

Finally, parents can totally become the catalyst of sibling fights. For example, parents may not have healthy conflict resolution methods, and they teach this to siblings. Parents may also show perceived unfairness when they have to take care of a baby or special needs kid, resulting in the others fighting.

What to Do when Siblings Fight

When siblings fight, don’t panic! How to deal with siblings fighting should not see you as a referee, but a mediator. Your goal is to deescalate, mediate, and understand.

Here are several ways you can break up sibling fight:

1. Separate them (especially if they are engaged in a physical attack)
2. Calm them. You can bring each of them to separate space
3. If possible, talk to each of them, listening to both sides
4. Make them to reach an apology, or at least truce
5. Discuss the problem together when everything is calm and smooth-sailing again

With these steps, you can get basic guidance about what to do when a quarrel happens.

How to Uncover the Root Problem

Dealing with sibling fighting is not just about stopping them from attacking each other. We need to uncover the root cause, the reasons behind their fight.

Children may lash out because of perceived jealousy, such as the birth of the youngest sibling or competing for the parent’s love. They can also fight because of perceived violation against boundaries and independence, such as entering a teen’s room without permission.

Once the situation deescalates, you can talk to each other for the bigger picture. Don’t forget to always become the mediator.

Tips to Make Siblings Get Along More

Once you know how to deal with sibling fighting, it is easier to teach them how to stop. However, what about the post-fight?

You want to make your children understand the root of their problems. This is also a great way to teach them new skills, including emotional self-regulation. Here are several things that you can do:

Emphasize on Positive Behaviors

When children show positive behaviors, make sure you encourage this, not just warning when they do bad things. For example, praise children when they show kindness toward their neighbors.

By emphasizing positive behaviors, you maintain the dignity of children. They will be more likely to regulate their emotions when bad things happen.

Teach Children to Collaborate

Picture this: your children fight over a toy car, and you solve the problem by removing the car. That’s okay, but the result is only temporary. Focus on teaching them to collaborate, such as taking turns playing the car. Don’t forget to return the car so the children don’t think that you are a killjoy.

By focusing on collaboration, you can teach children life skills necessary for socializing. They will also learn problem solving and compromise. This is the lesson they will carry to adulthood.

Have Genuine Conversations about Emotions

Children may fight because they experience strong emotions that are hard to articulate. Talk to them about emotions, and tell them that you can be trusted. By articulating emotions, children are more likely to regulate their responses in relationship with siblings. The better they are at regulating emotions, the lesser they would fight.

Sibling Fight: Normal, But Can Be Solved!

Fight and dispute will always exist among siblings. The most important thing is making sure that they can resolve it with your help. Learn how to deal with sibling fighting to help them learn conflict regulation and other positive things. Visit RealMomKids.com for more information about raising kids the right way!